During the two weeks following the groundhog’s prediction of six more weeks of winter, Mother Nature went on a tantrum proving the rodent correct. Nobody in the science and engineering fields want to assume a rodent could control a few computer models, but when the weather forecasters started looking at the data and telling us it would be bad, we listened. We hoped they were wrong, and to a degree they were – we didn’t get 10 inches of snow in one of the forecasts… but we did get a half inch of ice.
I’ve fallen three times in the past while running, and near-fallen many more. Two of those three falls were on ice (the third was on mud, which can feel like ice in certain circumstances). All included lots of foul language. All included pain. Since I’m not into pain and my last fall (due to mud) also included blood, I’ve moved a lot of my running to the dreaded treadmill.
I’m one of the “lucky” people that own a treadmill. I didn’t actually purchase it, it was given to me by my in-laws that were previously using it as a laundry rack. It’s potentially the worst best treadmill one could have. By “best”, it seems it’s screen is entirely a reactive output device – I’ve “rolled it over” once – the display maxes out at 99:59 (also known as 1:39:59), and I’ve ran over two excruciating hours on the thing. Since it wants to stick with the 2021 theme of “hey 2020, hold muh beer!” (and 2021 has definitely been drinking), the display has given zero fucks about working at all. It will normally turn on when I start the treadmill for a 1-2 minute warm-up walk, and by the first half mile decided that it no longer cares if the treadmill is even running. Sometimes it will pop back on when I put my water bottle back into the cupholder, only to run for 10-20 seconds and then stop.
I never suspected that the treadmill is accurate at all. I guess that is keeping with the treadmill’s history as a torture device.
A few years ago, I decided to purchase a Garmin Footpod to pair with my Garmin watch. This was because I didn’t think anything was reliable – the treadmill definitely wasn’t, and the watch was a piece of trash, so what better thing to do than sink the cost further? I later realized that there is a hack to the Garmin Forerunner 220 when GPS is off – snap your wrist a little when your watch arm is going back.
Cue last summer. Sick of my Garmin’s shit, I bought a Coros Apex. The Garmin footpod doesn’t work with it… or if it does, I don’t know how to get it to work. But let’s be realistic, Garmin is arrogant, phlegmatic, and lifeless. If there’s one thing that’s amazed me about Garmin, it’s the emails claiming they’ve fixed an issue that come in SIX WEEKS after I figure out a workaround. So not being able to get their ANT+ footpod to work with my ANT+ capable watch is not a shock and absent more information, I’m blaming Garmin.
So the Coros and the treadmill… I figured out “the hack”, and I like it better: increase my cadence. I did have to “game” the watch and treadmill to get the distances in the range of what I think they are. I’m not sure I have it correct, but it’s not telling me that I’m going 10:30/mile pace when I know I’m going faster than 9:00/mile pace. That matters for longer runs.
Back to Torture. It’s been in the 20s when I’ve been outside, which is not horrible, but the snow and ice has been unrelenting. Running in slush and snow is slower because I don’t want to fall, and that’s assuming I go outside to run. Or I run in the road, which has it’s share of issues (drivers). That’s the problem with spring marathons – ice and snow during training. After my first marathon, the Flying Pig, I recall someone asking “where was all this warm weather during my training?”. It wasn’t me that asked, but I knew what they were talking about.
Fall marathons are another beast. I ran Columbus in October 2019. While the start line was chilly, I remember getting back to my hotel room covered in salt crust from sweat. I crossed the finish line and made a bee line to a misting fan, and that was after passing a medical crew going backwards on the course with a wheelchair to pickup a victim. I also remember several runs where I ran low on fluids because summer in Cincinnati is hotter than Hell with a significantly higher humidity. I’m sparing the graphic details of the effects of extended dehydration, but we’ll leave it at “it’s scary”.
The rub is that it’s currently the dead of winter and my basement is only warm in the office… partly because I closed off the vent to the rest of the basement, which is where the treadmill sits. The room keeps a relatively constant 64, which is too cold for comfort and a bit warm for running.
After running a semi-non-snowy Friday in the park+subdivision and passing another runner that was using the road while I was on the snow-covered sidewalk, I got out onto the road and have done more than a few miles there. It sucks when I have to use my lights to tell drivers to give me some space, and when I have to pass a school bus, but it’s better than the alternative.
During the following week, Mother Nature apparently felt different and decided that some warm temperatures were in order to finish out February. I had a day of fieldwork and came home to temperatures high enough to wear short-sleeves. I had a few others that were long-sleeve only. Of course, snow and ice takes a while to melt…
But Wait, There’s More!
The Flying Pig made the decision (or the decision was forced on them) to go virtual for the spring. While I am mentally prepared to run a virtual marathon, I’m having a tough time not having angry thoughts about “we can lift the curfew but we can’t race in-person” and “we can put 20,000 people in GABP but we can’t race in-person” and “we can stuff people into Newport Aquarium but we can’t race in-person”.
The Flying Pig did reschedule for October 31, 2021. If things continue on the current trajectory, I plan on running the half marathon.
Meanwhile, I just got the instructions for the Bockfest 5k. These include a printable race bib (which I won’t wear) and printable mile markers (no thank you).