Got a Health Tracker That Pays Me! Wait…

“Confusing…” by Tristan Schmurr is licensed under CC BY 2.0

So obviously, since I have a running blog that I occasionally update AND it is full of useless monthly reports of how much I’ve run AND I occasionally participate in the Twitter #runChat and #bibChat, I might be a runner.

My work decided to change health insurance companies, and one of the “features” of the new one is an optional activity that gives you money if you do activities:

  1. 6 brief walks, at least one hour apart, 300 steps
  2. One brisk walk (3,000 steps within 30 minutes)
  3. At least 10,000 steps total

So…

Goal #1 is a frequency thing.  I imagine two of these are in the bag, minimum. My bathroom breaks may include a ‘detour’, which might put me up to the minimum.

With regards to Goal #2, I have never used a step tracker, but figured out that in each mile of running, I am around 1,450 steps per mile…

Weighted average steps per mile.

So, #2 is easy. I have never ran less than 2 miles when out to run, so that goal is as good as met 5 times a week. I’ll have to do something to get the other days, but shouldn’t be too difficult (mowing the lawn counts, and if I brew some beer, I might just make laps around the basement while in the mash or boil).

Goal #3 isn’t too bad.  Using basic math, just under 7 miles of running gets me there.  My shortest runs get me halfway there, and longer runs get me there.  So I think I’m good there for at least 5 days a week. The other two may be different, but we’ll see.

Woo hoo! Money! (source: https://giphy.com/gifs/m7FO0p9hTc59e)

There’s a rub

This money goes into my Health Savings Account (HSA) account. What you can and cannot spend money on is controlled and “enforced” by the Internal Revenue Service. I’m (ideally) getting a lot of money because I’m a runner (and I’ve already started the jokes about what this thing would do during a marathon).

Unless I am incorrect, running shoes, race entry fees, running clothes, running accessories, or other items are not allowed unless prescribed by a doctor (and most of what I just typed would be unlikely to be prescribed).

Are you fucking kidding me? (Credit: https://sweartrek.tumblr.com/post/163648397528/11-days-11-days)

So yeah. I’m going to use my running activities to fund an account that won’t reward me for running.  Great job, team!